I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
