My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
