i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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