Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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