keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
