Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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