my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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