So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
