Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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