God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
