I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
