Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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