It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
