btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
