I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
