i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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