We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
