I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
