Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
