Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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