my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
