so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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