All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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