I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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