She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
