so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize