God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
