We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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