I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
