You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
