I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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