Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
