She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
