I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
