what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I wish they made helmets for livers.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Randomize
