first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
