Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
