the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
