He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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