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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
