P.S. I can't hear my feet
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
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