You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
