I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
