Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
