i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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