I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
