He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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