And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
We don't watch enough power rangers
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
