arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
