I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
