I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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