he thought i was a dude.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
