We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
