i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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