He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
