I didn't shave. On purpose
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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