this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
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