Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
