i barfeds in our rink
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
