There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
