If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
