Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
