and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
