wat bout pragnant strippers??
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
