2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Semen is not good for contacts.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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