ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
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P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
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You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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