You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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