Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
