You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
