dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
