This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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