Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
