i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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