I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
