I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
