I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
