I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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