so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
You ruined the universe
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
