i barfeds in our rink
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
me + whiskey = a bad person
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
