I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize