She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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