dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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