Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
