"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
