What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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