I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
