can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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