I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
